Hostile Witness

In a small Southern town the local prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand. She was a tiny, grandmotherly old lady and the attorney smiled and began "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She answered "Why I sure do, you're Mr. Reed. I've known you since you were a baby, and frankly you have been nothing but a big disappointment to me. You lie all the time, you cheat on your wife with your secretary, and you manipulate people to get what you want. You fancy yourself some kind of big shot but you lack the brains to realize you ain't nothing more than a spineless paper pusher!"

Quite stunned, the attorney was speechless for a moment. When he gained his composure he pointed to the defense attorney and went on "Well, Mrs. Jones, do you know Mr. Williams?"

"I sure do," Mrs. Jones said, "and he makes you look like a choirboy. That man is the laziest, most bigoted, and despicable man I do know. His law practice is falling apart, he is under investigation by the bar, and he cheated on his wife at least three times that I am aware of. Once with your wife!"

The prosecutor was shocked and angry, the defense attorney stunned and speechless, but they both came to their senses as the judge in the case demanded that both attorneys approach the bench. In a quiet but firm voice he said "I don't know what the hell is going on with you two but if either of you ask that woman if she knows me I will throw both of your asses in jail!"